Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
B先生这种自在的杂家不少，现实生活里有几套房休闲做杂家的就不多了。。。
细节视角真的非常上海。老一辈男女沪语来来去去互相嘲弄，徐峥和马伊琍对话使用上海话，转向玛雅就瞬间切换回普通话简直是充满了每个上海父母的影子。我在家也接受着这样的区别对待，父母对话时仿佛就用上海话在他们周围支起了一个屏障，允许小一辈的我围观却不欢迎加入。导致我上海话一直很差，听得懂但是不会说，就像下一辈白鸽的台词大多都是在普通话里夹杂几句上海话。他应该和我一样共享着一个文化圈层，我们幼儿园的那个时期正好是全民普及普通话。现在和我一起工作的partner也是上海姑娘，但不会说上海话。能将沪语说出倪虹洁那般水平的，都是上个时代最顶尖最嗲最正宗而使我们现在这一辈不可仰望的上海女人。她一开口，我骨头都酥了。
意外之喜，你知道这年头在中国内地大银幕上还能看到意外之喜有多难嘛？ 比你遇到爱情都难
这个电影哪怕全都是这几个人吃饭的戏，我都觉得会同样精彩，同样好看。。
这个作品真是证明了那句话：有钱难买我舒服！故事简单没有脑洞没有套路，也许流俗(但它就是在讲这个)但是舒服；有些镜头是精心但是也没那么匠心设计的，但是舒服；90%的对白必须看字幕才能懂，但还是有种这就是身边事耳边话的舒服；看似人设都有钱有闲好像无病呻吟，但理解他们的爱恨情仇毫不费力，舒服。就连最后留下一滴泪，那也是不抽不呛地流下来的，心脏不难受。还有我盲猜有一部分是中国人唱英文的全部配曲，和剧情契合度让人有种看欧美剧的舒服。真的是太爱倪虹洁了，英语说得ga好听的宁理老师真是变色龙中的战斗机啊。
小皮匠在皮匠摊上喝咖啡吃蛋糕聊女人，居然不显得突兀。有意思。
但都没有关系，作为一部中产爱情小品堪称完美。况且人物够鲜活，意义和感受就自然产生了。
学费里尼最像的大陆电影，甚至有迷影情结过剩之嫌，可是机智的台词和精彩的对手戏实在是赏心悦目。这种以艺术中年为中心的题材放在北京肯定三分爹味七分油腻，但放在上海这种既洋派又有生活气息的城市就显得清新讨喜，至少我不觉得矫情。
有点点上海版小伍迪艾伦的味道，不同的是虽然剧情的推进是通过徐峥饰演的男性角色的，但影片是充满女性视角的，整体自然流畅又舒服。片子里有很多“冒犯”的、“造反”的、内涵社会现象和文艺圈现状的台词，也难怪这片口碑爆的时候有老导演看不惯看不起喷本片导演。我想“女人一辈子不造一次反是不完整的”也是导演本人的态度。
格洛丽亚看完《爱情神话》后发的朋友圈完全就是我的心声了。
腔调摆足就是下坡路也得顺顺利利。装模作样看费里尼看到打哈欠想吃夜点心。在进口商品小店挑来挑去。鲫鱼汤要只放点佐料还又浓又白。索菲亚罗兰是假的，电影也不需要真。年底了看到这么轻松开心的片子还是很满意！btw，老乌切咖啡讲起电影那段真的好像汤老师啊～～～
“我的人生好像一直在走下坡路诶，那我明天去约你爬山吧”。
小资，我一直觉得北京的穷讲究和上海的瞎矫情是一回事，就是表现欲太强，但又没什么实质性的东西，所以倒腾来倒腾去不是“哪个季节的醋就什么馅的饺子”，就是“哪个欧洲国家的廉价酒配哪个弄堂的老糕点”。220201//
隔靴搔痒无病呻吟，还有，找个穆斯林冒充意大利人，当观众是眼瞎？
就算导演对自己的歌单再有信心，也没必要插入这———么多配乐吧
#电影院# 并不像伍迪艾伦，还以为看了部侯麦
马伊琍人到中年孩子不大事业有成，结果还得挤在妈妈的老破小，开场先滚一轮床单，又跟徐峥来回过招，人设也挺让人迷糊的。
不知所云
沪语的亲切感，上海的风情，没有造反过是不完整的，女导演镜头中的女性好自由，就像弄堂里的风
是冲着“中年女人对于爱情的态度”去看的，结果大失所望。如果中年女人面对爱情就是比年轻人多说几句鸡汤的话，那我不如去看智慧背囊来得更快。上海话是特点，但是导演构景力好一般啊…16:9的屏幕完全没拍出来上海的美，很多个群戏的时候画面重心也是偏的。整个片子的精华可能就是老乌那一句“假的，我编的”和他不易察觉的泪水。其他的都是训练我上海话听力来的吧。😅看完很想问导演：你确实你晓得你自己想讲什么的哇？这一点也不灵啊。
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